This week has been a lot better than last week in terms of my mental health and just general feelings. I take great joy in doing the things that I am allowed to do and don’t mind staying at home to play video games. I feel that I have achieved so much with myself and I hope that continues throughout the year. I feel that by setting aside time on a Friday evening/night to write in my diary has given me something to look forward to and still lets me be productive.
Walks with Nicola and Paul
Last weekend I decided to arrange a walk with Nicola and Paul to walk their dog. It had been almost an entire month since I seen them. It was so nice to be able to get out for a mini adventure. I drove about 20 minutes to get to our destination. We walked for over an hour and the paths were slippy with ice and it was dark.
I was a little bit afraid of being outdoors meeting people during lockdown, although I am not breaking any laws. I think you’re only supposed to meet 1 person from another household I’m not actually too sure, but I met both of them. The police drove through the park and down the path we were walking on so we moved onto the grass to let them pass. It was one of the police vans that has the bright lights on top so they can shine on the sides of the roads and into the wooded area. They gave up a wave to acknowledge us so I knew we weren’t going to be stopped or questioned. We were allowed to be there as we weren’t breaking any laws in that regard.
Lockdown has restricted the places that we adventure to as we used to drive a little further but we have always done these kinds of walks although it has just become a more regular occurrence. I think in these far from normal times it is important to retain as much normality as safely and as possible. I suggested we attempt to make these a weekly thing for the next couple of weeks. It was so good to catch up as they have recently officially moved into their new house. I can’t wait to have drinks at theirs when it is allowed. It was also a fair bit of exercise as I don’t think I have walked that far in a while, as the paths were slippy and there was a lot of elevation through the woods. We walked less than 5,000 steps but it felt like more.
Daily Diary and Memory Loss
At the beginning of the year on the 1st January I attempted a new project. This project was to take a 1 second video/selfie of myself and another 1 second video of whatever I was doing that day. By the end of the year I would have had 2 6-minute videos to sum up my year. I think I stopped on the 4th day. I lost interest pretty quickly.
My Daily Diary, not a final name, will be a few sentences about my day or whatever is on my mind on that day. I’m not really sure how long I’ll do it for but I have high hopes. It only takes me a few minutes each day to write it and when I get some spare time I create little images and then post them to my Instagram. I really need to work on my social media presence; I feel as if it’s virtually non-existent. By writing a few sentences every day it allows me to look for the greatest moments of the day and although most days are much the same it also proves to myself of how far I’ve come with my mental health journey.
But my primary reason for writing in this weekly blog and daily diary is for my benefit. I also believe by doing this publicly I could potentially help others. I am very creative and I know that future me will love looking back on all these things that I’m doing.
Writing My Personal Stories
Instead of focusing on writing non-fiction or poetry I have been thinking of writing some stories based on my life. I find myself telling the same stories to my friends quite regularly and I realised that there’s so many things I remember from my childhood/teens. I wonder if I would be able to write some down and possibly post them to my website. I’ve already started writing one story and bullet points for quite a few more.
I do have a small fear that one day I might forget something. I started writing about my last family holiday I went on and I got a little confused between the two last holidays – I spent a few days thinking hard. Eventually all these nice memories came back to me and I just kept on writing as I remembered more. That brought me great joy and maybe, just maybe, I could make myself a nice wee collection of stories based on my memories. Also I feel that these stories I could potentially pass on to my nephew, I’m still a little unsure about that.
I figured I should probably mention Ben in my diary at some point. I wrote a lot about my feelings for him throughout lockdown. I know that there is a high chance that we aren’t going to even be friends as I feel that he really doesn’t like me. But, that still doesn’t change the way I feel. I knew we were going to be working together this week so the night before I made a little bit of an effort. I hadn’t shaved for weeks and my face was very scruffy. I didn’t see the point in shaving my face as I have to wear a face covering when I’m at work so nobody really sees my face. But I decided to have a shave so I can look a little better as I take my mask off to eat and drink. I don’t think he even noticed, I wouldn’t expect him to. But it made me feel a lot better, I was happy!
At one point I was walking behind him and I just looked at him and thought… how do I actually feel. Even, how did I feel before lockdown happened. I really enjoyed his company at work before and he was the only person I genuinely got excited about seeing when I went into work during lockdown. I really wasn’t in a good place mentally as everything was falling apart but being around him gave me a sense of calmness.
I still get a little nervous when I speak to him and I get butterflies. I bring in snacks at work and I always offer him first. Those small details don’t matter but the bottom line is that I still have a major crush. Perhaps if this is going nowhere I would like to find someone just like him. Someone to give me those same butterflies and genuine excitement to see them. But what kind of diary would this be if I didn’t talk about my latest crush, or in this case a crush of almost a year. In fact the middle of next week it would be exactly a year since we first met.
Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch (PS4)
Last Friday I started playing Ni no Kuni. I played this game originally when it was released for the PS3 back in 2013 and I loved it then. Although it is a game I had forgotten about I am really enjoying this play through. As said previously I don’t wish to go into video game reviews in this diary as I could probably write far too much and that isn’t the focus of this diary. I do wish to record the games I play as playing video games is a big part of my life and hobbies and want to share that part of my personality with the world. As of writing this entry I have played for around 40 hours.
Playstation also released some personal statistics for 2020 and that told me that I have played 207/365 days of 2020 and I’ve spent a total of 543 hours on Final Fantasy XIV – that’s over 22 days straight! I’ve also spent 1416 hours of gameplay (59 days). I’m a little unsure of how accurate that may be as I sometimes leave my game idle when I do something else but it is a believable indicator. Also apparently I only played 23 games last year which I thought might have been more
Vaccinations at 13.6%
Today the vaccinations in Scotland are up to 13.6% of the population for the first dose, that is around 1 in 7 people. Only 0.2% have had their second dose, perhaps in a few weeks I can change the subtitle of this paragraph to the second dose. Every day I check the statistics for Scotland and the cases are coming down quite slowly. I know that all these sacrifices are worth it but it still gets me down sometimes. I just wish this could all be over.
My dad is due to get his vaccination next week and I am so happy that it is finally happening. I think I may ask if I could come in late to work so I can drive him to the vaccination centre as I don’t really want him to drive himself there.
127 million people worldwide have had their first dose up from 91 million last week. 16.4% of the UK has had their first dose which is around 1 in 6 people.