I am a Taurus, so I was born between 20th April and 20th May. I have never disclosed in any of my diaries when my birthday is for many reasons. I know this might sound a little pathetic (or weird), but I prefer to spend my birthday alone. Though I do appreciate every single birthday message and card I receive – in fact I take it very personally to those that take the time out of their day to wish me a happy birthday. The messages I receive annually grow fewer and fewer each year but that just means I appreciate the messages more. I always get cards from my parents and relatives as well. When I was partnered with Andy, I would receive a happy birthday message on midnight and it made me smile.
Avoiding disappointment is a priority. If I had a significant other I would probably celebrate a little more on the actual day of my birthday. But I feel that if I put too much effort into plans onto one specific day and things don’t work out the way I had planned, I would be a little upset. I’m not blaming any of my friends as some circumstances are unavoidable! I like to treat the day as a normal day but I somehow mark it in my own way, such as travelling to a wishing well to make a birthday wish.
Celebrations are still vital for my birthday although I do them a little differently. I like to have miniature events with different friend groups. After all, it is important to mark an occasion I just don’t understand why it has to be on that specific date. Even if I had a partner, I would just expect a nice dinner, movie or an adventure somewhere.
Last Monday, I went for a birthday walk with Lisa and my other (unnamed) friend. We went somewhere new and I got a few nice photographs of the scenery. The place we went was about 10-15 minute drive away, but I had never even heard of the place. It was a quiet walk next to a little reservoir with plenty of sheep in the fields, it was really nice.
Tomorrow, on Saturday, I have a table booked at a local restaurant with Nicola and Paul, this will be the first time I’ve eaten out this year as lockdown restrictions have been lifted to allow hospitality to open up. I don’t expect them to pay for my meal, I just want to enjoy their company a little more. I wonder if we could do something exciting after, perhaps a game of crazy golf depending on how we are all feelings.
Callum Ross, the writer and author, will always be 32 years old. At least for the duration of this diary project and story writing on my website as I’m a little unsure of my plans for the future of this diary/website. I see myself a little like a fictional character in some storyline universe I am creating but in fact it is my life.
Nier Replicant ver.1.22474487139
I haven’t written an entire subtitle about a video game in a while and I feel that I should try and do it a little more in future entries. Last Friday I started playing ‘Nier Replicant ver.1.22474487139…’ on my PS4. I wrote about the tarot card I received with my game. Last night I completed it with all 5 endings after spending around 50 hours on the game. My spare time over this week has been mostly consumed by gaming so I’ve not had as much time to do other things, but I don’t regret that in the slightest. Such an awesome game and it was my first time experiencing it as it was released about 10 years ago originally but they have added extra parts to it and revamped a lot of the battling system etc, it is basically a remake.
I played Nier Automata back in January 2020 and I completed it in a week, too. Nier Automata made such a huge impact on me as I still think about it, even now. It is an extremely philosophical game that made me question myself and reality quite a lot. I don’t want to write too much about that game or the philosophy it explores but in the very end when I sacrificed my save game to help someone else proceed to their end still lingers in my memory. I find it really hard to explain my thoughts. Although the game destroyed my emotions a little it also gifted me with a brand new perspective of life itself. That is exactly the kind of video games I want more of in the future.
Looking forward to the future of the Nier series and to also write a little more about the video games I play in my diary. I don’t think I’ll be playing many video games this weekend as Nier Replicant has winded me with exhaustion a little. But I would possibly like to explore philosophical aspects in the future. I guess in a strange way my entire diary from the last decade is a sort of philosophical journey of a sort.
Mental Health Check II
In an earlier post (13) written on the 26th March I wrote a ‘mental health check’ and I have decided to write a second ‘check’. I reckon I might do one of these every couple of months throughout this diary. Honestly, I’ve had a few ‘low’ days since then and I know that, at least, my last 3 entires have been a lot shorter than I would have liked, but writing has definitely helped me with my mental health as even when I read back to my first entry with my hopes of 2021 and the reasons why I write, seem to give me a little push in the right direction. I know that I have such a long way to go, but I have made some fantastic progress and I know that it will continue.
Every entry that I have written I have mentioned the vaccinations against covid and that is one of my focuses to get through this. I don’t want to keep repeating myself but lockdown has been extremely difficult on everyone – including myself. I was speaking to a guy at work that I haven’t worked with for a while and I was telling him that I certainly was struggling at this time last year but the progress I have made I would never have believed that I could have come this far. I guess that’s proof that I am able to open up a little about my feelings.
There is definitely something missing in my life and I think that may be someone to share my life with romantically. I don’t think I’m in the right place emotionally for that sort of commitment at the moment but I wouldn’t turn it down. I don’t wish to open myself for someone and have them run away, I need to learn to do something like that gradually, like what happened with Ben. We don’t speak at work at all anymore and I don’t like it. I just wish we could have been friends at least. Of course I still like him but I can’t really speak about that out loud, they are just thoughts in my mind.
Okay, so I don’t actually have an office, I still live at home with the parents. But throughout this week I have been thinking of a potential office I could have. As when I write at home I am usually sitting on my bed (as I am now). I feel as if I get a new job that requires me to work from home, I may need to get a better set up. The new iMac opened today for preorders and I would really love to have one, though I can’t afford it. I don’t even have anywhere I could put it as there is no desk in my bedroom. There is a potential space in my house that isn’t used very often and it is mainly for storage. I would like to speak to my parents about maybe converting that into a more workable space, as I feel it would benefit them as well as myself.
Whenever I need a change of scene I usually go out in my car with my laptop and write, or if the weather is nice enough go out and sit on my laptop. It really is something I enjoy and don’t particular care if I look a little stupid doing that as it’s not very common to see. I think this potential office space would be fantastic and if my job situation changes it may become necessary. When my sister comes to ‘work from home’ at my house, she would sit at the dining room table, like my mum did when she worked from home last year, but I don’t feel I would be able to do that. I guess we’ll see what happens.
I have written 16 stories from ‘Chronicles of Callum’, or at least started 16 stories. I had 9 first drafts complete by the end of last month. As my goal, alongside my diary, was to aim for 100 first drafts complete by the end of the year I feel that my progress is not that bad but could be a lot better.
Vaccinations at 51.3% (22.4%)
The number of first doses in Scotland has barely risen in the last week but the second doses certainly have. They say that 3 weeks after your second dose you are fully vaccinated. My dad got his second dose last weekend and my mum is getting hers at the end of next week.
As for the 7-day average of cases in Scotland has dropped from 227 a day last Friday to 171 today, that is some good progress, but I’m not entirely sure what that means in terms of the easing of lockdown anymore. Today there was 67 people in hospital with covid and that was over 2,000 at the end of January. Next week when I write, the vaccinations will be higher and there will hopefully be a lot less people in hospital. I will write again next week.