Too Fast

Time Moves Too Fast

It feels like this week has gone by far too quickly and although much has happened it has been a little mentally draining. I say much has happened but now it comes to think about the events I can’t really recall much. It is such a strange feeling. I have been so busy over the last week with work as I am starting to feel a lot more relaxed in the workplace than I have in previous recent weeks. Although my current contract is due to end within the next 2 months I just wish time would stay still for a little while longer. I feel contentment at work, probably more so when working with a certain someone, though that does feel extremely draining. I don’t want to talk about him this week.

Dating Again

Over the last week or so I have been on a few dates or at least spoken to a few potential dates. I had a near death experience that I would rather not go into but I wanted to write a little about what I do whenever I meet someone new, be it just a friend or a date.

Lisa and Dani are both in on this. A few weeks ago when I was meeting someone I asked Dani to call me at a certain time that this person would be in my car with me. She would ask me what I was doing tomorrow, if I replied to say, ‘I’m working’, that means everything was going well and I don’t need an escape plan. If I was to reply to her question with ‘I’m working, but I finish at 12’, that means I want an excuse to leave. She would then say, if everyone was okay, that she just wanted to know if I wanted to go to Nandos. If she was going to help me escape she would ask that she wanted a lift to the hospital for a broken leg to which I would reply, ‘I’ll take you now’. There would probably be a much easier way to do this but this has developed into the discussion of what we do when we meet new people.

Lisa doesn’t need my assistance with this as she has a boyfriend but she has still helped me a lot. I always send my location to Lisa and/or Dani when I am going to meet someone and they take a screenshot of that location. On messenger it only shares live location for an hour it means I need to message before the hour is up to say that I am safe and well. Dani has also started doing the same thing with me and her other friend. It might sound a little much but just to send a location and perhaps a screenshot of this persons dating profile and information such as their snapchat just in case anything goes wrong. Taking these precautionary measures, if everyone started doing it, could save a life. I thought I had a close call with death this week.

I don’t want to go into details about what happened but I had to run to my car and drive as soon as possible. I didn’t even have time to get my seatbelt on and I was shaking so much. I stopped the car after I had turned a few corners and I called Lisa. I got her to stay on the phone to me (through bluetooth) as I drove to hers because I was a bit of a nervous mess. I thought I was being followed in my car and had to take it easy behind the wheel, luckily it was just a few minutes in the car. She sat with me for a good 30 minutes so I could tell her what happened (this was around 10:30pm) and then I went home and I was calm. Then Dani came to my street around 11pm after her work.

I cannot let 1 bad experience put me off the dating scene. I want to meet someone as I find that to be a very important part of my life that I am missing. I also have potential dates lines up in the next few days/weeks including a little bit of travel.

Lack of Motivation

I’ve had such a lack of motivation over the last few weeks that I don’t want to do very much. But it’s not that I don’t want to do it but I can’t find the energy to do it. I may spend hours playing my PS5 console wishing I could spend a little more time writing or honing my photography skills. I also lack the motivation to work on my website and I am quite disappointed with myself that I haven’t put as much effort as I feel I could have. 2021 was supposed to be a chance for me to put everything together that is my life and find a little more happiness. The fact I’m still writing my 2021 at this time is quite remarkable.

I need a little more inspiration in my life. Excitement too. I want a muse. Someone that makes me want to better myself and take more a little pride in my hobbies. I don’t expect them to take an interest in them but maybe just to hear someone special tell me that they are proud of my work. 

I have this image in my head of what I want to do with all my hobbies and I have so many ideas. When it comes down to actually doing something I find it difficult to complete. I’m not sure if the end product will even be worth it. I’m not sure that makes sense.

I also have a lack of motivation in improving my career. The job role I am currently in will end in the next 2 months and I have not prepared myself at all for what will come after. I could lay in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about applying for jobs but it just feels too difficult. I just want things to stay exactly how they are. I really like my job and I don’t want it to change. I wish I could work with Ben forever too although sometimes he makes me feel horrible. 

Unplayed in 28 Days

I have a lot of smart playlists on my iTunes library that I made many years ago. There’s 2 playlists I listen to the most, the one with songs I’ve listened to more than 100 times and another of songs I’ve listened to between 50 and 100 times. I usually rotate between these two. There’s another one that I had totally forgotten about, ‘Unplayed in 28 days’, these are songs that I have listened to more than 30 times but haven’t been played in 28 days. I think the criteria set for these playlists is a little outdated as I’ve had my iTunes library for more than 10 years but it’s so nice to hear songs that I like and I’ve not heard in a while. I really want to make some more playlists.

I would like to make many new playlists and perhaps organise my iTunes library a little bit. I use Apple Music but I still buy CDs too.

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