A tale about the struggle and suffering of the lonely unnamed protagonist on the brink of self-destruction. Faye, a mysterious young girl who appears as if out of nowhere, befriends this isolated soul.
One year later after the events of that fateful night, the protagonist shares their story with you, the reader, in the most darkest moments in life.
Dawn pours through the sides of the roller blinds where the curtains should be. It’s almost 8am and I’ve been awake for every hour throughout the night. Sleeping on a single mattress on the floor can be very uncomfortable. I still have a lot of changes to make in my life but currently in the process of redecorating my bedroom. It’s a work in progress but I’ll get there in the end.
Feeling a gentle chilled breeze from the open window relives the stuffiness of my bedroom. The only sound is of my music playing quietly in the background. A very familiar tune begins to play from the stereo. So many memories from this particular song. A mixture of emotions spring to mind. Its amazing how a song can do that. One song can hold thousands of thoughts and memories.
Before everything happened. I didn’t have any friends. Nobody would want to speak to me or hang out with me. I would spend many nights alone in my bedroom with my music, gaming consoles and books. My bookshelves were stacked full with various entertainment. But I always wished that I could make a friend. Someone that I was able to tell my secrets, not that I had any secrets. Of course I liked being alone sometimes. But I just wanted a friend.
About a year ago, last November, I was in danger of taking my own life. But my best friend Faye saved me. This was the day that had changed my life forever. It was about this time last year in November.
I can’t remember why I decided to go for a walk on this late November night. I thought it might help me think more clearly. I didn’t have any friends I could talk to, not that I wasn’t a likeable person, I just didn’t want to socialise with anymore. I liked being alone. I was the kind of person that would sit alone at the school cafeteria and stay after school to finish off any assignments due.
I had been walking for about 2 hours and was on my way home. I could barely see my house through the blizzard that had been brewing all day. I didn’t want to go home just yet. Maybe I should sober up. Then again, being drunk I could face the cold hard reality. The house that I shared with my parents didn’t seem like a home anymore. That I felt alone and abandoned in this world. The very few people I had in my life never cared for me or at least they never showed much affection towards me.
The snow was thick and heavy on the ground and my knees were numb but I had just enough strength to lift them. Step after step I walked in the direction of my parents house. The bitter coldness in the air stung my ears. But that pain was a small reminder that I’m still alive. I liked it.
I hadn’t walked this path since I was young. When I was about 8 years old, being walked home by a friend and their parent I asked about the street lights. I asked if you could see the light from the sky. I asked if I shone a light up – will it reach outer space. I raised my small torch to the heavens. I was told the light from my small torch wouldn’t be able to travel that far. That thought stuck with me.
To be honest it had been many years since I had walked anywhere in my town. Although it was dark, the lights from the street lamps illuminated off the snow on the ground and everything appeared to be brighter. If only my mood were the same.
I was beginning to lose track of how many hours I had been walking. This lonely town stood still in the harsh winter as if time itself had stopped. With only the silent but violent fall of the snow as a reminder that time was indeed moving ever so slowly.
I reached into my pocket for my packet of cigarettes, which was squashed from being in my jeans for so long and took the last one out of the packet. It was slightly soggy but I put it up to my mouth and reached back into my pocket for my lighter. Trying to light a cigarette with my hands that were frozen was very difficult. In frustration, my cigarette broke, right at the filter tip. Desperation called for desperate measures; I had to smoke the cigarette without a filter; getting my mouth full of dry pieces of tobacco that I tried to spit out. I just wanted to give up. I think I cried.
Eventually, arriving at my parents house, I stood at the bottom of the driveway where there was no car but the hallway light was on. The light was always switched on at night as to deter burglars, just something that’s we’ve always done.
I Reached for the front door key with my glacial frostbitten hand. The metal was briskly chilled. I can’t even remember how long it took me to open the door – but I ended up in the hallway with the door closed behind me on the outside world. The hallway was very bright and there was a huge wet patch where the snow had already melted when I had taken off my shoes.
My ears felt as if they were on fire with the rapid temperature change. The house had that distinctive smell that I had never really noticed before. The hallway was very hot as if my parents had the central heating on at full. But I had definitely been left home alone. The mirror on the wall had been broken – I don’t remember it ever being whole. They won’t be back until morning at the earliest.
Walking through the empty house. I had never noticed how small it was. This 3-bedroom house felt much bigger when I was younger. I walked through the living room into the kitchen. My mouth was so dry. I needed something to drink. As I approached the cupboard to get a glass to get a drink of water. I decided to pour myself a vodka and coke. I didn’t want to sober up just yet.
What felt like more hours later – completely unaware of time – sitting in my bedroom next to the broken bedside table. Where the empty bottle of vodka sat. Next to it was the photo frame with the photo of myself with the ex. We had only been together a few months but you broke my heart.
I felt an anger come over me. Without thinking, I lay the photo frame over my leg and hit it as hard as I could. Smashing the glass exposing the un-scathed photo. Blood gushed from my right hand. I clenched my fist as I witnessed the runny red blood fall to the floor. It reminded me of a wine that I had been drinking earlier in the night.
The sight of the blood was horrific. I don’t think I can deal with this anymore. This loneliness. This pain I feel. This life. I just don’t want to see tomorrow. I just don’t want to live anymore.
The details of what happened next are unclear. All I can remember was standing on the chair with the rope in my hands thinking ‘Will this even work…?’ I had thought about this many times before. But I just had to do it now. I wanted to end my life.
I had the rope prepared and ready. Before I had the chance to do anything the bedroom door slammed open which made me fall off the chair in shock. There stood a girl with straight long black hair. A face of innocence. Looking into her eyes I felt familiarity although I did not recognise her. “Please don’t do this to yourself!” She pleaded.
My drunken body fell to the floor. I threw up. My left hand covered with the blood stain from earlier. The carpet still felt moist and soggy. The girl waited silently in the corner of the room. She had a sadness in her eyes. I didn’t know who she was or how she managed to get in here. I must have left the front door open. I never asked any questions that night.
I can’t remember the conversation we had. But she spoke to me as if I was a human being. Not the way most people would usually speak to me. She was nice. Her voice was soft and gentle. She had given my life meaning.
She cleaned out the cut on my hand and disposed of the rope which had been tied to a part of the ceiling.
I call her Faye. She is my best friend, my saviour, the one that saved my life. She changed my life for the better. I could never forget that night. That night was the longest. That night was also the loneliest. But that night was the night we became friends. That was when I met Faye.
Faye taught me so much. She told me it was okay to like other things. She told me it was okay to not be normal. That not being normal was unique. Everybody is different. I didn’t need to be social if I didn’t want to. She was my friend. The only person I was ever able to confide in.
There was a whole other world out there just waiting to be explored. So many things to do. So many things to try. Thanks to Faye, I am who I am today. I owe her so much. Without Faye, I would not be here to tell my story.